Long Distance Marriage Challenges; Husband Promotion Vs Wife

Question: I live in Indore. I have been married for 9 years. We have a daughter, who studies in first class. We both are working. Husband got promotion 2 months ago and he went to Jabalpur. I didn’t want him to leave the city for promotion. For me, it was more important for both of us to be together. But he did not agree. Now I am completely alone. I am handling the responsibilities of home, job and daughter alone. I am getting very frustrated. What should I do?

Expert: Dr. Jaya Sukul, Clinical Psychologist, Noida

answer: First of all thank you. You have written your problem so clearly. Many times there come such junctures in life where difficult decisions have to be taken. It becomes more difficult if a decision affects the entire family.

You are a strong woman, who is handling the responsibilities of home, job and child simultaneously. If your husband has gone to another city and you are not able to get his support, then it is normal to feel frustrated. Let us understand your situation and together find a solution.

You and your husband are both right

Your situation is such where no one is wrong. Your husband wants to move ahead by taking promotion, which is important for his career. Earning money in life, thinking about the betterment of the family, all these are right. Tomorrow your daughter will grow up, her education expenses will increase, and many dreams of the family will have to be fulfilled. For this it is necessary to take their promotion.

However your point is also valid. You are feeling lonely. Along with the job, one has to take care of the house and the child alone. In such a situation, fatigue and frustration may occur. In such a situation, if this feeling creeps in that “he doesn’t care about me or he is selfish,” then it is dangerous for the relationship.

We have to understand that both are right in their place. The problem lies not in the decision but in ‘lack of communication’. Now instead of getting entangled in your husband’s decision, you should talk about the current situation. The first challenge in this is ‘Long Distance Marriage.’

These are the challenges in long distance marriage

Your husband has gone to another city after taking promotion, which means you are in a long distance marriage. It has some challenges of its own. See all the challenges in graphic-

You may feel frustrated while dealing with these challenges, you may get angry over small things.

Psychological effects of long distance marriage

When your partner goes away, you may feel lonely and irritable. Apart from this, dealing with situations at home alone can cause physical and mental fatigue.

You work all day, come home in the evening and do your child’s homework, cooking, all this can bring you to the verge of breakdown. In psychology it is called ’emotional burnout’. See all its psychological effects in graphic-

Conversation is the solution to the problem

Now understand how much your husband is supporting you in such a situation. There is no problem in his decision. It remains to be seen how they deal with this situation with you.

He has gone to another city after taking promotion, this decision is also for the sake of the family. But if he is ignoring your feelings, or not talking, then that could be a matter of concern. From your question it seems that there is just a lack of communication between the two. In such a situation, it is better to talk together and find a middle path.

find a middle path

For this, it is better to take out time on the weekend, sit together and talk openly about this. You share your feelings. Tell your husband clearly, “I get tired, it’s hard to handle everything alone. I need your help.” Many times women think that their partners will understand on their own, but this does not happen. You have to express yourself openly and ask for help.

What to do for physical help?

If you are managing the house alone, then seek help to avoid fatigue. Hire house-help for household work. Get the girl tuition and make her join a play group. Take monthly cleaning service to clean the house. This will give you some relief. House management will also be done properly. Understand from graphic-

Emotional support is also important

When the husband is away, the need for emotional support is felt more. However, he can support you even by living in another city. For this-

How to deal with loneliness?

For this, take special care of some things-

Don’t let this situation affect your child

Your daughter is still small, she needs both parents. Ask your husband to help you with homework through video call. You also remain positive, so that the child remains happy. If she misses her father, look at photos together and share stories.

What to do if negativity dominates?

More negative thoughts start coming in the mind, like-

In such a situation, talk immediately. Suppressing it inside will increase the problem. Remember, this situation may be temporary. Many couples are happy in long distance, just communication should be strong.

last thing

In the end I would say that do not blame yourself. You are strong, this phase will pass. Tell your husband that you need support, and he will provide it. The relationship runs on the understanding of both.

You are a loving mother and wife. This situation will make you stronger. You are a role model for the girl child. You are not alone, millions of women go through such situations and overcome.

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The problem you have mentioned is often seen in joint families. This is not an ideal situation. If there are too many restrictions then the problem is justified. But do you know what is the best thing about life and about humans? That is, we have unlimited ability to change ourselves. Let’s talk about ways to improve your situation. Read further…