Porn Addiction Side Effects; Pornography Vs Relationship Intimacy

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Porn Addiction Side Effects; Pornography Vs Relationship Intimacy | Mental Health

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Question- I am 32 years old. I am an IT professional. My problem is very personal. I am addicted to porn. Without it I cannot sleep at night. Initially this did not seem to be a problem, but now it seems that this habit is affecting my relationships. Every girl I date leaves me. He says I am not present in the relationship. I also know that I like my own company more than any girl’s company. The truth is that I don’t feel much need for a girlfriend even for sexual pleasure. A close friend of mine says this is not normal and I should go to a therapist. Please guide me what should I do?

Expert – Dr. Dron Sharma, Consultant Psychiatrist, Ireland, UK. Member of the UK, Irish and Gibraltar Medical Councils.

Thank you for asking the question. Pornography is very easily available in this digital age. It is also used very widely. That’s why many individuals and couples are a little worried that it might have a negative impact on mental health, intimacy and relationships.

Porn itself is not a problem

Terms like ‘porn addiction’ or ‘porn addiction’ are often used. But using the word addiction can sometimes simplify a more complex reality. Research from the American Psychological Association sheds light on this, according to which watching porn can become a problem for some people, but it is rarely the root problem or the main problem in itself. There is always some hidden emotional, relational reason or some internal conflict behind it.

When can porn become problematic?

International studies show that a large number of men and women all over the world watch porn, but it does not cause any harm to them. The problem arises when porn becomes addictive, when it becomes a compulsive and secretive behavior and when it starts having a negative impact on real life relationships. Also, it starts negatively affecting sexual happiness, satisfaction and emotional health.

Apart from this, these signs show that the habit of watching porn is becoming a problem. See the details in the graphic below –

Effect of porn on brain

There are reward systems inbuilt in our brain, which release happy hormones. When someone watches porn in large quantities and for too long, it affects the brain’s reward system. The result is that the happiness and satisfaction that comes from intimacy in real life reduces. At the same time, unrealistic expectations regarding sex are created.

Therefore, before moving ahead, I would like to say that instead of feeling embarrassed or guilty, you should try to understand the problem and get to the bottom of it. I will try to help you through some self assessment tools and self help tools.

Do you have porn addiction?

Do self assessment test

Here I am giving you a self assessment test. There are total 7 questions in the graphics below. You read these questions carefully and answer yes or no. Finally analyze your answer. Interpretation of the score is also given in the graphic.

For example, if your answer to two or less questions is ‘yes’ then it means that you are not addicted to porn. Even if the answer to three or four questions is ‘yes’, it is not an addiction, it is just that you are not able to control watching porn. But if your answer to more than five questions is ‘yes’ then it is porn addiction. In such cases, professional help is advised.

Why do you watch porn?

Do self assessment test

After your addiction self-assessment, you need to do another assessment. Identifying the real reasons for your porn viewing. This is a very simple assessment test. The graphic below has a total of 12 questions, with 12 reasons given. You have to rate these questions on a scale of 0 to 3. If your answer is 0 then it means that is not the reason. If the answer is 3 then that is a big reason. These questions will help you understand what your main reasons are for watching porn.

Porn and Relationships: What’s the Real Harm?

Research shows that pornography in itself is not harmful. Many couples watch porn together, but it does not harm their relationship. The problem arises when-

Secrecy- The person should hide his desire and habit of watching porn from the other partner. Feel afraid and embarrassed about it.

Mismatch of sexual desire- Instead of talking to each other about unequal sexual desires, people turn to porn.

Not talking about sexual interest- Feeling guilty or embarrassed about your sexual interest. Instead of talking to each other about this, people should resort to porn.

For these reasons, porn can have a negative impact on relationships. See the details in the graphic below –

Why do people watch porn?

There can be many reasons behind watching porn, from loneliness to stress and boredom. Porn can be a coping mechanism for dealing with all these problems. This is not a problem in itself. This becomes a problem when porn becomes the only coping mechanism. Apart from this, we may not have any other tool to address our mental and emotional problems.

What is the treatment for porn addiction?

The steps for understanding this problem and its treatment are-

1. Assessment of the problem

Understanding patterns of porn use.

Looking at triggers.

Identifying its emotional reasons.

Looking at relationship dynamics.

2. Psychoeducation

To understand that-

How is this habit formed?

How shame and pressure increase the desire to watch porn.

3. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT is helpful in these things-

Identifying the problem.

Dealing with unrealistic thoughts and expectations.

Helping to create other coping mechanisms.

4. Dealing with Erotic Conflict

Not judging sexual fantasies.

Identifying its reasons.

Helping to make it safe and ethical.

5. Behavioral Regulation (Regulate, not suppress)

Setting boundaries.

Providing trigger related tools.

Four week self regulation plan

Goal: Removing fear, embarrassment, taking more informed decisions, regulating habits

Note: This is not a plan to break the habit or stop watching porn. This is just a plan to regulate it.

week 1

Awareness and stabilization

Focus: Just observe, don’t try to change.

Daily Task:

Track your porn use: for how long, when and why. What was the mood like then, what was the trigger etc.

Identify the top 3 triggers (e.g. loneliness, stress, sexual frustration).

Fix a time to sleep and wake up.

Do one grounding activity every day (taking a walk, taking a shower, doing breathing exercises).

Rule:

“I’m not judging myself. I’m just observing.”

week 2

breaking the behavioral loop

Goal: Not suppressing the desire, just postponing it a little.

Tools:

Whenever you feel like delaying it for just 10 minutes.

If the desire still persists after 10 minutes, then make a conscious choice.

Do any other activity while watching porn only once. As-

exercise

Message or call a friend.

Ask yourself these questions:

“What do I really want to do right now?”

week 3

Addressing the root causes

Goal: Needs, not behavior.

Working on these things:

Sexual frustration- Talking honestly to yourself and your partner

Emotional regulation- Making a list of those non-sexual activities that make you feel good and that give you happiness.

embarrassment- Write a compassionate letter to yourself. Talking with compassion about your shame and fears.

Porn Free Day – Try to keep at least two days a week porn free. Don’t force, plan.

Non sexual activity- Doing some non-sexual activity that gives pleasure.

week 4

Integration and future planning

Goal: Creating a balance that lasts for a long time.

Task:

Identifying triggers that still remain.

To decide – “What is the role of porn in my life?”

What are those boundaries that protect my values and relationships?

Making a relapse plan for yourself. What will you do if the habit relapses? Don’t panic, make a plan and take action. Such as:

I wouldn’t panic if porn addiction came back.

I will think about it and start working on it again from the first week.

I will not give up and get stuck in this loop again.

When is professional help necessary?

Get help if you have the following problems:

You feel that you are not able to control yourself in any way even if you want to.

Porn has completely replaced real intimacy. You are completely incapable of forming real relationships.

Fear, embarrassment and secrecy have taken over your self-esteem.

Porn content or the problems caused by it are continuously increasing.

last thing

Pornography is rarely the real problem. It is often a reflection of unmet needs, unresolved conflicts, shame, or silence. The suggestions I have given you above are not intended to make you ‘pure’ or ‘porn-free’. The only purpose is that you can be more honest with yourself, your decisions should be more balanced and balanced. By addressing the underlying causes of porn addiction, the desire to watch pornography usually ends naturally.

……………… Read this news also Mental Health – I am addicted to mobile: Can’t focus even for 5 minutes, could this be ADHD, will medicine help?

Your experience is actually consistent with DADS (Digital Attention Deficit Syndrome). This problem is related to lack of focus and sleeplessness. This is related to excessive digital consumption. Due to continuously watching the screen and consuming online content, the nervous system always remains excited, due to which this problem arises. Read further…

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