Holi Sexual Abuse Victim Story; PTSD Stress Disorder

I was young. I could not say anything due to fear and hesitation. What’s more, I couldn’t even understand what was happening. Just felt uncomfortable. No one at home ever noticed my discomfort. This sequence must have continued for some 4 years. Now I am adult and independent, but as Holi approaches, my past trauma gets triggered. I don’t feel comfortable playing Holi even with my friends and partner. The mood remains off on the day of Holi. How do I get out of this trauma?

Expert – Dr. Dron Sharma, Consultant Psychiatrist, Ireland, UK. Member of the UK, Irish and Gibraltar Medical Councils.

Thank you very much for asking the question. I can understand your state of mind. Although Holi is a festival of colors and happiness, but this day can trigger trauma in those who have been victims of sexual abuse or any kind of misbehavior in their childhood on the pretext of this festival.

This is a sign of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). When we are around the event, place or person to which our trauma is associated, the same old trauma comes to the surface again and can make us mentally sad and disturbed.

PTSD is not a weakness

But here I want to tell you one thing with full emphasis that PTSD is not a weakness. The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) and the Royal College of Psychiatrists believe that PTSD is a defense mechanism of our body and brain. It develops because our body wants to protect us. It develops after a deep shock or frightening experience.

To understand this deeply, we will have to understand the biology of our body a little. So let’s get started.

Traumatic Events and Cortisol Stamping

When a child is a victim of sexual abuse, the fight-flight-freeze mode becomes active in his body.

As a result:

• Adrenaline hormone is released.
• Cortisol (stress hormone) is released.
• heart beats faster
• All the senses of the body become more active.

What is cortisol stamping?

In case of too much stress:

• Cortisol makes the memory center of the brain stronger.
• The brain “tags” that event as a “dangerous” event.
• All the details related to that bad event (touch, smell, color, sound) are deeply registered in the brain.
• In contrast to this, generic things and general descriptions become blurred.
• But all the details related to danger remain very deep and clear in the brain.
• Our biology ensures that we remember every detail of that bad event.

so :

It is possible that the survivor may not remember common everyday things and events. But he remembers every detail related to the abuse very clearly.

urgent matter:

The cortisol hormone helps us remember danger, so that we are immediately alerted when we smell the same danger.

But its disadvantage is that we start generalizing every sensory detail related to the accident.

For example, since the memory of your abuse is associated with Holi, your brain remembers every Holi as a danger.

The brain’s alarm system: the role of the amygdala

Amygdala:

• Our brain has an almond shaped structure.
• In the event of trauma, the amygdala detects danger.
• Gives orders to the brain to release stress hormones.
• Activates our fear reaction.
• Keeps logical thinking aside.
• Because his purpose at that time is only to save us from danger.

In case of childhood trauma:

• The amygdala becomes very sensitive.
• Becomes immediately active on anything related to trauma.
• The amygdala cannot distinguish between past and present.

Therefore whenever these things happen during Holi-

1. touch someone suddenly
2. loud sound
3. smell of colors
4. physical proximity in crowd

So the amygdala says- “danger.” A person knows that there is no danger right now. Right now I am safe, yet the amygdala becomes super active and tells me that no, this is exactly the old situation. There is danger around.

This gap between reality and brain messages is why our reaction to old trauma is often not under our control.

Holi Trauma and PTSD Screening: Self Assessment Test

Here I am giving you a self assessment test. There are total 4 sections and 13 questions in the graphics below. You read these questions carefully and rate it on a scale of 0 to 4. 0 means ‘not at all’ and 4 means ‘always.’ Finally count your total score and analyze the score. Score interpretation is also given in the graphic.

For example, if your total score is less than 15 then it means that you have very mild PTSD, but if the score is more than 45 then it means that you have very high PTSD. In such a situation, professional help is very important.

CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) based management program

(One week before Holi → During Holi → Till next Holi)

Phase 1: Preparation one week before Holi

1. Understand the trigger clearly

Write in diary:

• What particularly bothers me?
• Is any of this connected to my past trauma?
• What has changed or is different now?

CBT questions:

“What evidence is there to show that I am still unsafe?”

2. Practice boundary defense

Make some statements for yourself. Whoever wants to play Holi, say to him:

• “Please ask me before you paint.”
• “Don’t touch me suddenly.”
• “That’s all I like, no more.”

Practice speaking these sentences every day.

3. Predictability Planning

Plan:

• How long will I stay for the Holi event?
• Who else will be present there?
• What should I do if I have to get out of there?

Predictability keeps our amygdala calm. When one knows in advance what is going to happen next, the brain does not go into stress mode.

4. Regulation Practice (Daily)

• 10 minute deep breathing exercises
• light physical exercise
• By doing this you are training your nervous system.

Phase 2:

Active management plan during Holi

A. Real Time Grounding

• Keep your feet firmly on the ground.
• Keep taking calm, deep breaths.

Say to yourself:

“This is the year 2026. Now I am completely safe.”

B. Affect bridge interruption

ask yourself:

“How old am I now?”

answer :

“That incident happened then. I was a child then, vulnerable. But now I am an adult. Now I am safe.”

C. Increasing exposure gradually

• Start attending Holi programs slowly.
• Stay a while.
• Take breaks in between.
• If you feel emotional triggers, leave immediately.
• Gradually, with controlled exposure, feelings and emotional reactions become natural.

Phase 3: Rewiring Program

From after Holi till next Holi

1. A little exposure every month

• Watch short holi videos.
• Practice sentences related to boundary defence.
• Talk about safe touch.

2. Cognitive Restructuring

Challenge your trauma-related thoughts. Rephrase that.

Old idea:

“All festivals are unsafe.”

Balanced Thought:

“Some experiences were bad and unsafe. But now I take care of safety. Now I am safe.”

3. Body Regulation Habit

• Exercise 3–4 times a week.
• Practice breathing exercises.
• Do yoga and stretching.
• Trauma is saved in the body’s memory. Practice getting free from it gradually.

4. Annual Review

• Do the self assessment test once again before the next Holi.
• Compare last year’s scores.
• Note the progress.

When is professional help necessary?

In normal situations, self-help can be of great help, but if the symptoms are severe then professional help is advised. For example, if the flashbacks of trauma are very severe or you have thoughts of harming yourself, then it is important to seek professional help.

final clinical findings

The stress hormone cortisol reinforces that trauma memory to protect you. The amygdala learned to recognize danger faster. But now you can change the old thoughts of your brain with CBT based exposure and self-help. Gradually you can teach your brain that the bad incident has passed. Not every Holi is bad, not every space is an unsafe space.

Our aim here is not to forcefully celebrate Holi or participate in the celebration. Our aim is to regain the freedom of our mind. If you practice throughout the year, next year’s Holi may feel different and better than the previous Holi.

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